How does moving countries affect a child? (and what you can do about it together)
There’s a reason moving is ranked among the top five most stressful life events. It’s disruptive. It’s a loss. It’s loneliness. It’s a change. It’s a rupture of the life you knew and the one you now have to build. There is so much unpredictability, except for one thing: you are forced to sink or swim. And your new purpose is just making it work.
Sounds stressful, right? It is. For you and your child.
I can relate because I’ve recently moved.
Leaving my home country and starting over is terrifying. No familiarities, no anchors. I constantly swing between feeling devastated and hopeful. I’m certain that with time, self-compassion, and space to emotionally recover, I’ll begin to find myself somewhere in the middle.
But that’s my experience as an adult, making the choice. Imagine being a child, caught in decisions made for you—decisions that uproot your life. Even if it’s ultimately for the better, it can feel completely disempowering. It’s overwhelming, confusing, and stressful, and children often don’t have the words or tools to make sense of it.
Instead, they express themselves by throwing tantrums, withdrawing from social situations, getting in trouble at school or not wanting to go, they resist sharing with others or following instructions. And don’t get me started on the attention-seeking behaviours (that’s for another blog).
These are not signs of ‘being naughty’. They are signs your child is telling you: I’m overwhelmed, this change has been huge for me, and I’m not sure how to handle all these big feelings. Their brain senses this change, and it can register the new environment as danger. Their nervous system activates survival responses like fight, flight, or freeze, similar to what you would do if you came face-to-face with a tiger.
Without safe, predictable structures and familiar relationships, children can get stuck in prolonged stress states. Which affects learning, friendships, motivation, and even basic cooperation. This isn’t misbehaviour—it’s a natural, biological response to feeling unsafe.
Whether it’s a move, a family shift, or a life event like an injury, major changes disrupt a child’s sense of safety. And children thrive on familiarity, routine, and predictability. It makes them feel safe, or as we say in the therapy space, contained. So when these protective factors are suddenly stripped away by relocating, emotional dysregulation follows.
Emotional dysregulation is like an untuned radio. Big emotions are like radio waves interfering with the connection. Imagine a child trying their best to find the station that keeps them calm, but not knowing how to operate the machine. And the radio is on Mars. Completely unfamiliar territory with no means of communication home to their safe space.
And here’s the kicker—parents are often in the same place emotionally.
Except they feel the pressure to have it all together and to have it all figured out. They pretend that they are managing to protect their child’s feelings. But honestly, you can’t hide - they know, they see you, and all they need right now is to know they’re not alone.
So the good news is you don’t need to fix their feelings or have all the solutions to their problems. You just need to create enough stability and predictability for your child to recalibrate. When the parent is emotionally regulated, it sets the stage for the child to feel safe to do the same.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. You don’t have to be the strong one, but you can be the open one.
Try this conversation starter:
“I’ve been feeling [insert emotion] since we moved here. How has it been for you?”
It’s never too early to begin these conversations with your child. Meet them where they are. They won’t bring a conversation to you that they are not ready to have. Show some self-compassion—you don’t have to get it right, just age-appropriate for all topics.
So moving countries will affect your child (and you) but it isn’t permanent.
Where to begin: 3 Practical Steps
Start with connection: Carve out time in between the busyness of all the life admin to spend time with your child, with no distractions. Leave the phones at home. And if you have more then one child make a separate day and time for them to have all your attention.
Be honest: Moving is hard. For you too. Don’t hide your feelings and fears from them. Believe it or not they know. By sharing in the experience, the good, the bad and the messy. You teach them that they can do hard things too. In essence you are showing them how to tune the radio.
Rebuild community: Join a church, international group or running club. Bring your child along and show them that it can be a fun adventure. It doesn’t all have to be so heavy.
If you’ve arrived at the end of this post and you’re feeling guilty, you haven’t ruined your child. You’ve made hard decisions because you’re doing your job as a parent.
It doesn’t get easier. That’s the lie. You just adapt, and your child will, too.
But they need you to show them what rebuilding looks like: small daily predictable habits, new connections, even tiny joyful moments.
You can’t protect them from discomfort, but you can contain it with them.
Sometimes children (and parents) need more than time. They need intentional support.
If this resonated with you, I would love to stay connected. Sign up for my newsletter below to get tips, tools and insights straight to your inbox. And for those who are ready to take the next BIG step book a consultation with me here.
